As Guideline #1 mentions, all women are crazy. However, there are some that just push the definition of crazy over the edge and completely redefine it. This is where Tattoos comes in. I’m still not sure how we met or how she even knew me, but I remember the first time she recognized me. She was with a guy and she ran up to me, jumped up and wrapped her legs and arms around me. That is a great way to say hello when you actually know the person.
However, here I am with a fine looking woman that I’m still not to sure how I know and her male companion simply staring at me. Who in the hell was this guy? Was there going to be some problems? She told me he was her driver, but obviously he had some interest in her because men just don’t drive women to clubs so they can run off with other men. This was the power of Tattoos though, she drove men to do crazy things all in the name of her sex.
I’m always amused when girls go out with me to a club or bar and they feel the need to keep up when it comes to the consumption of alcohol. When women are having fun and alcohol is around they seem to want to drink more and more without any regards to what their tolerance is. Nothing fazes them until it all hits them at once and they collapse on the floor.
From the moment she wrapped her legs around me it was apparent that Tattoos was going home with me. On the way home she really had to use the bathroom so we stopped at a gas station and she disappeared. When I say she disappeared I mean it literally. She disappeared for a good ten minutes. The gas station attendant grew so concerned he came out to the car to see if I could go check on her.
I go in to check on her and she is passed out on the toilet with her pants down. Classy. I like to believe that every guy has a line they won’t cross with regards to how drunk a woman will be before they choose not to have sex with her and Tattoos had crossed that line. Drunk sex is fun, but only when both of you are around the same level.
We make it back to my place and miraculously she is sobered up. Apparently this girl is a drinking pro and she knows her phases. However, I’m still not convinced about the sex and I suggest that we just lay down and go to sleep and we can always resume in the morning. She was not having it and simply goes to work on me. That is the only way I can describe it. When it comes to sex either you are doing the sexing, you both have found a nice equilibrium where the two of you are working as one or you are getting sexed up. She sexed me the hell up, words can not describe it.
We finish and go to sleep only to be awoken by her alarm at seven in the morning. I can only assume she has to go to work or something because no one in their right mind sets an alarm that early after a night of drinking and partying. I was wrong. The alarm was to tell her it was time to take her pills. What kind of pills? I asked and she told me, “Oh nothing.”
I am not sure you understand how scary it is to have sex with someone and then be woken up by their alarm to watch them take pills that come with no description. Was it birth control? Chlamydia fighters? Crazy pills? I still to this day have no idea. After hanging out with her a couple more times I came to the conclusion they were crazy pills because she took them whenever I was around and I tend to have the effect on women.
May 27th, 2009 | No Comments »
First I would like to give you a bit of insight into how I seem to work. I have never been the type to date women. I do date women, but I’m not a serial dater per se. I see a lot of women in spurts, but every once in a while I will latch onto one too tightly and try to push the situation faster than it should. And so it went with the Cuban.
As is usually the case, I met her at a club. Also, as usually the case she came up to me and made the first move. She was young and had a great body. Fearless with her dance moves and held nothing back physically. Our first date we had sex. After chasing a girl around for years and not being able to seal the deal I was ready to make a move and date someone. Almost anyone it seemed like.
So after only two weeks of knowing this girl, I called her up and pressured her to tell me if we were dating or not. I needed to know we were exclusive because I was getting pressure from another girl who shouldn’t even be pressuring me about such things. I told the Cuban that she had to make a choice and of course she did the right thing and walked away.
I mean what guy is crazy enough to give an ultimatum to a girl he has only known for two weeks and has only been around three times? As fast as I won her, I lost her just as quickly because I was in a rush. I see her out every once in a while and it is a bit awkward because I feel she still views me as the crazy older man.
May 27th, 2009 | No Comments »
I have a rule that I don’t mess with women that work at a club. It isn’t because I think less of them, far from it. It is just that I know in their jobs they will have a ton of men all over them constantly and although there is always trust in a relationship, guys all over your girl nightly is just annoying.
With that being said, there is always one that makes me want to stretch the rule a bit and Tiny Dancer was one of them. As is the case though with all beautiful women she had a boyfriend. Luckily for me this boyfriend sucked. When any person is in a bad relationship and someone comes into their life and treats them better then that person becomes a million more times attractive than if the person were in a healthy relationship.
I genuinely liked this girl. She was smart, funny and sexy as all hell. Every time I saw her I asked how her boyfriend was and she would roll her eyes and complain about him for a couple of minutes. By the end of the night I made sure to let her know that she doesn’t need him and there are other men out there that would treat her better.
This carried on for a couple of weeks until one week she told me that they had broken up. Between her dance breaks we would sit at my table and simply chill and listen to the music.
A small disclaimer. This is happening when I would buy a table every week at this club and because of this table all the dancers would come and hangout with me and my friends as refuge to get away from the crowd while on their break. This was a huge advantage not because it was showing off for the girls, but gave me ample free time with Tiny Dancer. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be in this situation so take it for what it is worth.
I don’t know exactly how it happened, but we started to kiss. One of these days I’ll be able to tell you the exact moment of when I know a kiss is going to take place, but for now you will have to settle with the fact that they just happen. I remember the feel of her lips, they were so soft. They felt as if my lips were landing on pillows and I just wanted to suck on them forever. The kiss was done, she smiled and went back to go dancing.
I’ll save what happened later for another time.
May 27th, 2009 | No Comments »
I’m not quite sure what year it was when this took place, but I remember how it went down vividly. There was a club that I loved to frequent that offered 3-4-1 drinks on Friday night and they had a stage. For some reason I was pretty well known in this club and nobody got on the stage until I did and I liked to wait till around midnight for stepping on and having a good time.
Now you almost had to be there to understand how much of a money spot being on the front of the stage was. If you had some charisma and looked as if you were having a good time it was as if you were sitting at the edge of a dock fishing with the best bait around. I would get up there and rap along with every song as if I was the one performing and every week I seemed to pull a new girl.
What made it great though was that you didn’t have to pick the girls, they simply picked you. After watching you long enough on stage the girls seemed to have no problem walking up to the stage and pulling you down for some dancing. This one night in particular these two girls were close to the stage and one of them kept on telling me to dance with her friend who was pretty cute.
I played my usual game of making them wait it out because there is no reason to act as if you are that anxious. Finally, I danced with the girl and ended up dancing with her the whole night. Rarely did this happen, but for some reason we had a good vibe going that I wasn’t going to lose.
When the club closed I told them I would walk them to their car (as any man should do) and she was a little tipsy, which made her a bit emotional I guess. Once she saw how nice I was being she started to cry. I’m not sure if you have ever had a woman cry simply because you were being nice, but this was definitely a first for me. You would have sworn I saved her life if you had seen her.
May 27th, 2009 | No Comments »
In the Summer of ‘89 I went to a nerdy summer school where I got to meet a lot of new people. I don’t remember much about the school, but I do remember seeing a girl in the distance. She was beyond description. She was the first crush I ever had where I didn’t get her name or even meet her. I only saw her once that summer, but I never forgot how she looked.
By a twist of fate we ended up going to the same high school. She was on the dance team. She wore lots of skirts to school. She was best friends with my girlfriend. Yep, best friends with my girlfriend and wore a ton of skirts and had blossomed into a woman. Fuck my life.
Now I’m sure many guys understand this trend. You start to date a girl and out of no where she brings a new friend and the friend looks really good. I mean really good to the point where part of you starts to wonder why you didn’t meet the friend before you met your girlfriend. It’s an evil way to think, but it is also an evil cycle that we get put through. You are really screwed if the friend turns out to be cooler than your girlfriend.
Moving along we ended up going to the same college while my girlfriend went to school in another city. To nobody’s surprise we broke up because of distance and college allows you to meet new people you never got to meet before. There was no hard feelings, but this allowed me to move onto the 4th grade crush. Well, time waits for no man and when you are a good looking girl the odds are you have a man and in this case she did have a man. An attractive man that all the women liked. Foreign with a heavy accent. Also a major asshole and douchebag who I would love to have beaten the living hell out of.
Crush and I would hangout all the time and over time became really good friends. She would share with me her struggles in her relationship and I would share with her my failed attempts to catch women. At the time we were still virgins and I had this fantasy that we would lose our virginity to each other. Of course that never materialized and I remember the day she told me she lost her virginity to Mr. Asshole. I was crushed, hurt and angry, but she wasn’t my girl and I knew I had no right to really feel this way.
Finally, she ended the poisonous relationship she had with her man, but I was trying to get with a woman that I decided to move in with. But of course right? My senior year in college I went out to the club that Crush worked at and we danced as we always did, but this time it was different. I can’t explain why it was different, but the electricity that was always there was magnified. I went in for the kiss and it happened. I had been waiting for this kiss since the age of 9 and now I was 21. 12 years just for a kiss. She was smoking a cigarette and I remember thinking that an ashtray never tasted so good.
May 27th, 2009 | No Comments »
